Israel Introduces ‘Ice Cream Hummus’ Because Occupation And Breach Of International And Human Rights Law

Baskin-Robbins unveiled its “Waffle Chip Dippers” to the world on Tuesday. For those who are interested, you can now get six triangular pieces of waffle cone and flat brownie material along with a scoop of vanilla soft-serve topped with chocolate syrup, M&Ms, and Snickers mini-chunks for $2.99.

Gawker, in its infinite wisdom, broke the release of Baskin-Robbins’ latest creation with a brilliant headline: “Baskin-Robbins Introduces ‘Ice Cream Nachos’ Because America“. For thirty whole minutes I couldn’t get past what I thought was a blistering grammatical error. But I was wrong. “Because America” is perfect. It encapsulates the snooty America-complex that goes, “that’s right, we can do whatever we want,” and the deep health nonconsciousness (i.e. the active opposite of health consciousness) that pervades American society.

Of course, this blog being what it is, I couldn’t resist the urge to parody the new dessert. A friend showed me a recent headline that reads, “Israeli Ice Cream Shop Serves Hummus Ice Cream“. And so we must begin.

“Think native snack, only stolen,” Israel told the world when it unveiled its “Hummus Sandwich Cone” — a “native-like” cold snack consisting of cold, salty, generic hummus smothered all around the inside of an ice cream cone topped with an extra-wide dollop of cold, salty, generic hummus for licking.

The Jaffa-based ice cream shop made somewhat popular only because of the coverage it is now receiving for its bland new creation and the garlic ice cream it invented just two weeks prior, says the “dip-inspired treat” is designed for “people who like special things [and who are citizens of a state that occupies Palestinian land and openly and brazenly breaches international and human rights law with total impunity]”. The “Hummus Sandwich Cone,” inspired by the ethnic Palestinian cuisine it seeks to take for its own, will be available in the ice cream shop’s single participating location.

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